Ep 02 Routines that bless| Make Meals Everyday and Like it (transcript)

Your meal-planning pep talk

Children need to eat at regular intervals. They seem to grow grumpy when not fed on time or in a regular rhythm. As a young mother, I knew this to be true, however, I found myself always surprised by how quickly the meals came. For each meal, I’d scramble together what we had. I was not a “planner” nor was I sure how to manage the home in a way that would make this part of the day seamless. Once I had three small children with one on the way, I knew it was time to apply my creative energy toward feeding my family well. Instead of being surprised, I developed a plan. Instead of being frazzled, I cultivated peace. You can too. 

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The family meal is essential to a healthy family life and childhood. Unfortunately, most American children do not have the benefit of sitting around the table with their family for regular meals. Most children’s lives are so scheduled and hurried that meals are eaten on the way to or from practice or on the sidelines of a sports field. The evening meal sounds like a luxury to have in a far off idyllic land. But it is easy enough to attain if we think of mealtime as the thread that pulls us together instead of simply filling our tanks. What if we saw family meals as a time to connect with one another and feed the bodies and the souls that live under our roof?  I am reminded of Mason‘s infamous quote. She says mothers will work wonders once we realize that wonders are required of us. The reality is our culture is bent on deconstructing traditional norms that bring us life and allow us and our children to flourish. Many wonders are required of the modern mother to overcome the cultural flow toward individualism and selfishness instead of family and togetherness. One way to move us toward caring for one another is through feeding your family nutritious meals each day… together. 

Let’s take a look at what Ms. Mason says in her book, Home Education regarding the family meal: “No pains should be spared,” she says, “to make the hours of meeting round the family table the brightest hours of the day. This is supposing that the children are allowed to sit at the same table with their parents; and, if it is possible! to let them do so at every meal excepting a late dinner, the advantage to the little people is incalculable. Here is the parents' opportunity to train them in manners and morals, to cement family love, and to accustom the children to habits, such as that of thorough mastication, for instance, as important on the score of health as on that of propriety.” 

Here, Mason sees, through her Victorian eyes, the importance of meals together around the table. She points out that we can use the time to teach our children good manners and moral truths. We can use meals as a way to strengthen our relationships and love one another well. In short, the time around the table together, whether hurried or restful is part of our children’s education. We can even teach them to chew their food thoroughly!

The truth is, it’s impossible to homeschool if meals aren’t coming regularly, you’re drowning in laundry and the home itself is in chaos. We need to know how to order our homes to bring the atmosphere, discipline and life that educates our children and helps us thrive as mothers. And we want to thrive. Not just survive. Mason often reminds us of the importance of discipline in regards to educating children. Today we will look at a small part that we can control in orchestrating meals each day through planning and preparation to provide comforting and nourishing food for their bodies. This too is part of our children’s education. 

Most messages about homemaking and meal planning can be overwhelming. We usually fall toward one of two extremes. The first extreme is: “I hate to cook.” Mothers often hate cooking because we don’t know how to do it quickly, we don’t have a command of the food that is available easily, and we also don’t see the benefits to the family when we offer nourishing food. The disdain for cooking becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hate to cook, so I put forth minimal effort. Then the meal is subpar so I’m not motivated to try to be mediocre again, so I give up in despair. Cereal for everyone.  Mothers with this line of thinking usually will say something like” I’m not good at cooking” or “it’s not my passion.” Well, yes, of course it’s not pleasant if we have not taken the time to cultivate the skill and find a way to enjoy the work. But, take heart, I’m here to tell you that cooking for your family is a SKILL that can be learned and a mindset that can be cultivated. I know, because I used to live in this camp. 

Susan Schaeffer McCauley (the author of For the Children’s Sake) says in her book For the Family's Sake that a mother who makes a hobby out of cooking is a blessing to her family and everyone benefits from her hobby. When I read that I thought “wow, that’s NOT me.” But as I have allowed those words to work their way into my heart, and find ways to be embodied in my fingers, and to allow myself the growing time to learn and develop the skill of cooking, I can see that time in the kitchen can be a restful way to regroup to spend a bit of time in manual work that brings refreshment. I even look forward to it. 

Now, the other extreme in the art of feeding our families we find the Foodie. This mother loves to cook elaborate meals, try new things and provide a beautiful spread for her family, however, it tends to be more boom and bust - feast or famine. The planning and the preparation for the family meals takes so much time and effort that the addition of new children, illness, pregnancy or school work can throw everything off. This home may have chicken cordon bleu tonight, but cereal or fast food the rest of the week. It’s best to channel this energy towards the marathon instead of the sprint. Bringing a new meal into the home once a week is more restful than trying to execute a new recipe each night. Balance is the key. We want to create margin in our lives to be able to enjoy time with our family, not simply moving from one task to the next.

I will pause here to point out that Charlotte Mason was not a mother nor did she cook her own meals. She kept a cook and a household staff, including a carriage driver. While we can learn much from her insights and her ideas, it’s helpful to remember that she was talking to Victorian mothers who also kept cooks and governesses to support their work. We are the cook, the governess and the laundress. Our daily rhythms will reflect these duties, where Ms. Mason, as a business owner and a single woman, had different daily responsibilities and priorities. So, keep the principles in mind so that you don’t get lost in the weeds of the particulars. 

Each of us must chisel our own statue and do the work God has called us to do. Whether you hate cooking or consider yourself a foodie, you are growing your capacity to care for your family as your family grows. Yes, we come to the work unskilled and untrained, but with time and effort, we are able to do what must be done cheerfully. We can grow our capacity to love our families through our work. And as we faithfully plod through the hard days, we see it is the work that shapes and forms us. We grow in virtue as we do, as Mason says, what we “ought” to do. 

Meal planning is one of our duties that shapes us, so let’s take a look at the purpose of the meals themselves- breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Afterwards, we will look at how our family rhythms play into our meal plan and how we can use our time in the kitchen as a place of refuge and solace.

We begin by taking a closer look at breakfast. Breakfast is the anchor for the morning. It acts at the ceremonial sendoff. The activities of the morning, be them chores, devotions, tidying all move toward that time when everyone is seated around the table with all the possibilities of the day set before us. A start time for breakfast is helpful to get the day off to a good start. Telling your family that breakfast starts at 8 AM give you both accountability to move through the morning work and actually have breakfast ready when you say it will be. This allows everyone to know what’s expected which helps promote peace in the home. (And we can always use more peace.) Once we are all seated, we can pray for the meal and make conversation as we eat our meal.

We have tried a few different practices around the breakfast table to make the conversation encouraging and to minimize bickering. One of them is for each person in turn to say one thing that they’re thankful for. Then from the smallest person all the way to the adults share their thanksgiving. This helps to orient us toward the blessings we enjoy.. I’ve found this to be a good practice for my own heart to say and hear words of gratitude toward our God first thing. 

Another question that helps us look forward to the day ahead is “what is one thing that is within your control that would make today a good day.” I love hearing the answers my children come up with as they think ahead to the day. Sometimes they will say they’d like to “climb a tree” or “build with my Legos.” They may think of their own behavior, such as being kind to siblings or being obedient to parents. This question reminds all of us that we can control our attitude about the day and not be a victim to whatever comes our way. 

Another part of the breakfast conversation may include looking ahead to the activities and expectations for the day. This is often the best time to set expectations and coach how to behave. We can’t get ahead of everything, but we plant seeds of proper behavior. This begins to move us all from home life to life within the broader community. Who will be out and about today? Who will be home? This is the send off that breakfast provides, a time to connect with one another, remember what is good, true, and beautiful and be prepared for the day ahead. 

Your morning went well today, you educated, read, and explored with your children, but everyone is hungry again. That means it’s lunch time. Lunch itself is that meal in the middle of the workday. Whether work is home educating or caring for little ones, we work up an appetite and need nourishment once again. Lunch tends to be a faster meal. Gone are the days of the leisurely midday meal, because often husbands aren’t able to join us. The quicker lunch meal could be soup, sandwiches, a salad or leftovers. Whatever the content, we want to make sure that we sit down and take that break to nourish our bodies. 

Whether lunch is cafeteria style or a more formal sit-down time, it’s up to us as home managers to open the kitchen for lunch. The prep time for lunch and the offerings tend to be easier if we serve whole food, like a sliced apple or celery sticks on the side of a sandwich. I’ve enjoyed using lunchtime as a way to teach older children how to cook and make their own meals. The point of lunch is to get us through the midday hunger so that we can make it to dinner.

The purpose of dinner, if you have been gone all day, especially if you don’t have lunch together, is to bring everyone back together and re-calibrate. This is a more formal intentional family time where a table set with a tablecloth and centerpiece makes a common meal feel special. These are the little touches that make a house a home. Adding beauty to our daily work allows us to apply our creativity in a way that serves and blesses our families while offering warmth to the meal. 

The time around the table where the children can listen to dad talk about his work or mom share a story about the kids is such a vital growing time for everyone. It’s a time to reconnect but it’s also a mentoring time for the children to learn about the art of conversation and to learn about what work “out in the Wide World” is like. Dad is able to bring news from afar. He can bring life lessons to the children so they can learn about working with difficult coworkers or encouraging bosses, or even the world events that are happening. All of these pieces of conversation are part of the child’s education. Most American children grow up without the benefit of conversation around the table with their parents. The time to disciple is any time we are with our children. As Deuteronomy six says as we walk by the way, as we lay down we are to teach our children about the love of God and His creation. We can use these common parts of the day to point our children to the God who made all things. 

Now we see that breakfast, lunch, and dinner all have a purpose and all have their place; they are each unique in their own way. Breakfast is the send off. Lunch, is a restorative time a little bit faster, a little bit less preparation there and then the evening meal provides time for coming back together and communing together. 

You might, at this point, realize that someone has to plan out all of those lovely meals. Somebody has to buy every single food item and decide what is going to be on the table each time you sit down together. And that’s true and that usually ends up being the mother. As a young mom I didn’t like cooking. However, after many years of faithfully trying to learn how to feed my family, and realizing how important it is, I started to enjoy that time in the kitchen as a restful part of the day. I look forward to it now. But it takes work to learn how to do it and it continues to be something that I am always trying to improve on. I am not a foodie. I am not a culinary expert. 

Menu planning is one of those conundrums that no one can do for you. You can certainly start with someone else’s plan, but your lifestyle the priorities you set for your family your husband’s work schedule your children’s needs and routines all come in to play when we look at planning our menus out for the week. Will first take a look at the rhythms of our home. What happens during the week what happens during the month and what each day brings and then how we can use those things to shape or meal plans. Next will look at your capacity. The menu plan is only as good as the manager.

So now let’s just take a look at our rhythms so every home has a daily, weekly and monthly rhythms. I usually plan something for dinner that is a much easier thing to make like us. That I can just throw together quickly. But if I know I’m going to have a longer time in the afternoon to cook then I will usually plan a more complicated dish that I can double. It’s important to look at your week and know what it’s going to look like as far as your time commitment is concerned then you can plan your meals so it fits in with your ability to execute.

Finally, we will close our discussion on meal planning with the home with the kitchen culture. We want our kitchens to be a place that give life and are enjoyable to be in. They should be welcoming to children. I know it can be stressful to have a small child helping around the kitchen especially if dinner is running late. It helps to have small things that they can be doing to contribute. Even if they are just able to stir or pour in ingredients this helps them feel like they are involved. They are part of the real meaningful work that will feed a family and that helps them know they belong to us.

As we cultivate this skill of menu planning and execution in ourselves, the blessings flow quickly and within many other areas of our lives. What’s freeing to know is that we can grow in our capacity as mothers just as our children grow in body and spirit.  

As you plan out the meals for the week or month, remember the value of the work that you are doing and how the work of meal prep shapes your home culture. These daily meals nourish your family and it gives an opportunity to bring your children into the common work of the home. It is the most practical way to include small children in the daily tasks that must be done.

Whether frazzled or foodie, we can find balance to offer the atmosphere of warm and welcoming meals, the discipline of being organized and dependable in our menu offering and all of this is woven into the life we enjoy with our families each day. 

I’ll be back in two weeks.

(Listen to this episode here)

Picture: Millet, Feeding the Young or La Becquée