Principle #3 Parents are in charge and children should do as they're told
Authority and the teachable spirit of the child
Principle #3: The principles of Authority on the one hand and Docility on the other are natural, necessary and fundamental.
Paraphrase: Parents are the bosses of their kids; and kids should do as they are told. This is the foundation of any healthy society.
Theological Truth: Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
Antithesis: When everyone is put in charge, no one is in charge.
The Principles work Together
As we make our way through Mason’s principles we start to see that they build on each other and each principle impacts the other. In the first principle we acknowledge that children are image bearers- a precious person made uniquely by God for His glory. This helps us approach them with tenderness, love, and kindness.
Then in the second principle we see the effects of the fall on the person who bears the divine image. That sweet child is in fact a sinner who has the ability to be kind and good but also has the ability to be utterly naughty. Since we are talking about educational principles here, we see that the role of education is to teach children about what is good, true, and beautiful and to correct them and pull them back onto the right path when they fall into what is bad, false, and ugly. We can do this because God has revealed a sense of right and wrong to humanity and sent His son to die so that we don’t have to live in our sin. But as believers we have the double blessing of not only being able to learn from and be ministered to by the God who made us and reveals Himself to us, but we get to pass on this glorious wisdom to our children - whether they ask us to or not. It’s in fact our duty to tell them about God, His world, and to point them to The Way of Life.
This brings us to Principle #3 which reminds us that someone must be in charge around here or else things will get out of control pretty quickly.
In God’s wisdom He places children in… not daycare facilities, nor schools… He places them in families - the foundation of human society and the bedrock of human flourishing. The home is the best growing place for a child. It is here children learn good manners, right and wrong, and how to restrain the urge to wallop one’s brother. Parents are in charge. We didn’t come up with this. We know we are vastly under qualified to teach our children about the Righteousness of God, but someone must teach them and so the honor and duty falls on us. Because it is right.
Heaven’s First Law
Mason reminds us that “Order is heaven’s first law” and order is the natural result of authority. Now, we can ignore the order of the world as God has established it. And by doing this we make life more complicated and challenging than it needs to be. If you’ve ever watched a children’s soccer game where the coach’s instructions are ignored (or the coach is clueless about how to get the children organized) you know the chaos that can ensue. As we watch the “game” all we can see is a mass of children descending on the ball like a swarm of bees over their queen. Does anyone know where the ball is? Do any of those children know what they ought to be doing?
Compare that scene of chaos to a soccer team who listens to the coach's instructions and truly understands the game and their individual roles in it. These children know that each person has a part to play in the game and follow the coaches instructions. Just like this orderly soccer team, when we understand the order that God has established, we will receive the same satisfaction. We will be able to work with one another well because we understand whose authority we are under and through submitting to this beautiful scheme we all receive the ability to move freely in God’s world.
It's no fun to play soccer with a team bent on breaking the rules or clueless about the game’s basic principles. But what awe and joy do we experience when a team has not only superb skill and agility but also grace and order in their execution of the game? It is through their understanding of the nature of the game and their willingness to submit their mind and body to that order that creates a great soccer team. Within these two soccer teams we can see the law of Authority and Docility at work for good or for ill. The principle of Authority is at work in the structure of the game and the coaches ability to communicate it to the team. Docility is at work in the players understanding both the game and their places in it. The team is teachable to willing to submit themselves to the order of the game in order to play it well.
Defining Authority and Docility
Let’s define our terms so that we can really get a handle on this one since our culture is bent on undermining this very principle. Authority means one person has a right to command or to act as in a prince over subjects or parents over children. If Authority is at work then there is a hierarchy. We live in an egalitarian culture and bristle at the idea that one person could be stronger, more knowledgable or have more power than another person. But children are weak and ignorant and they need protection and instruction. Put simply: parents are the bosses of their children. Children are not in charge. Schools and sports teams are not in charge. The medical community is not in charge of children either. Parents have authority over their children. Order is essential for any organization to thrive and that goes for the order within the family. And true authority begins with God because in the beginning God made all of it and established a hierarchy to help us navigate things around here.
Authority works on three levels.1. God’s authority over mankind, 2. mankind’s deputed authority over other persons, then each of us has 3. authority over ourselves to conduct our lives. Here’s a piece of ancient wisdom to show just how far this organizational structure can go:
“The men of old wanting to clarify and diffuse throughout the empire that light which comes from looking straight into the heart and then acting, first set up good government in the their own states; wanting good government in their states, they first established order in their own families; wanting order in the home, they first disciplined themselves, desiring self-discipline, they rectified their own hearts; and wanting to rectify their hearts they sought precise verbal definitions of their inarticulate thoughts in the tones given off by the heart; wishing to attain precise verbal definitions, they set to extend their knowledge to the utmost.”
And thus order in the home comes from an ordered heart which is fed by God’s word and by learning about God’s world. But being in charge doesn’t work unless someone is listening, learning and obeying. That’s where docility comes in.
Docility means being teachable or obedient. Being teachable implies a sense of self-direction and command over oneself. Obedience, in our modern ears, tends to lend itself to robotic compliance but it means “submission to authority.” Instead of being mechanical it is RELATIONAL in nature. Docility works together with authority in harmony. The heart of a child who is teachable is ready to learn from mistakes, is willing to accept correction, loves and trusts parents with humble reliance. Docility also responds to positive instruction and simple imitation as we see in Deuteronomy 6 - that we will be teaching all the time as we live in God’s world together.
Authority and docility work together and are dependent upon one another. When we don’t acknowledge the laws of nature God has put in place, we move toward chaos and disorder. Mason likens this dance between these two forces to the earth’s orbit around the sun. The earth is constantly in a state of pulling itself into space - toward chaos and decreation. The sun, with its massive presence and life-giving light and warmth holds the earth in its rightful place in the cosmos through its gravitational pull. Why does the sun not simply pull the earth into its furnace? The earth is in motion and its velocity, set in motion by God Himself pulls the earth away from the sun perfectly. These two principles work together to allow life on earth to carry on. The sun and the earth act upon one another and the result is the experience we have of day and night. So it is with authority and docility. They each act upon the other. When they do so in the right way, it creates harmony and peace with each working together to complement and enhance the other.
Ignoring Natural Laws Leads to Chaos
What happens when we ignore natural laws like gravity’s weight or fire’s magic? Broken legs and unruly campfires are easy enough to patch up or put out, but what about the chaos that ensues when we ignore parents as an authority over their children? Chaos is the opposite of order. As we keep our houses, it’s easy enough to see that we must be devoted to order in our physical surroundings for peace to be established within the home. But what about chaos in education?
I find that there is a tension between using my authority to relate to my children and have empathy and establish order and obedience in the home. I’m either too passive or too strict and it seems that there is a balance between the two that helps the two extremes work together. When dealing with chore assignments, I see how important my energy towards the project carries us or derails us. On the one hand, I have to care that the kitchen counters are cleared off and wiped down enough to hold my children accountable to do it (this is authority), but they need to bring a teachable spirit in order to execute this task (this is docility). But we know that’s not usually how it goes. I’m usually tired or distracted and they are usually unwilling to make the full effort to clear off all the dishes and wipe down the counters thoroughly. And so we ask God to help us in our weaknesses. We ask for fortitude for the mother to see the work through and a cheerful spirit from the child to execute his duty. And in both we hope that we are being kind and considerate of one another forgiving one another as we do our work.
In our day, we undermine authority through the argument that you have “your truth” and I have mine. No ultimate truth is acknowledged. Society seems to depend on me and my preferences. The individual is King and will reign forever and ever. A kingdom built on self is doomed for failure. We must have a sense of right and wrong that is dependent on God’s authority and not ourselves or else our culture falls into chaos because the individual does not get authority to rule of his own merit, it is God who gives the authority. We must live according to reality, which is why Mason reminds us that authority and teachability are “natural, necessary, and fundamental.”
As we look back at the chore conundrum, my greatest challenge is feeling as though I have to muster the energy to care based on my own preferences about all the details of the home from clean floors to clear counters and then muster more energy to execute all the subjects for school and character development. It’s exhausting. But, when we look at this principle more closely we see that the energy comes from God Himself. He placed me in authority and I am His servant. I am here to care for the home and children He’s entrusted to me. I don’t have to lean on my own understanding. I can acknowledge Him and He will make the path straight and the burden light- even in my weakness.
When the mom reigns supreme the natural extension of this is to demand one’s own way. The abuse of authority in the home can look like tyrannical rule where the Kingdom of Mom is the law of the land. But we want to live and act according to the truth of reality which allows us and our children to dance together just as the sun and earth dance through the cosmos - this is natural.
We would not think of depriving our children of sleep and food. This would be abuse and would keep them from the necessary nourishment that they need to live. So they are also nourished by the truth of God’s established order, the boundaries He has put into place from the way gravity works to the border lines of righteousness and it is therefore necessary to our lives at home that we live by this truth and speak this truth to them.
A homeschool based on mom’s rule or child’s rule or the Internet’s ever changing rule has its foundation in the sand. We want our foundation to be on the Rock so that when the storms come and go we are standing on the Truth of God and not on our own shifting preferences. We need to be firmly planted in reality itself which is the Truth as is established by the King of Kings - this is fundamental.
Children who do whatever they want to do fly towards chaos and rebellion. But a child who understands that they must do what they are told and keep to the boundaries set out for them will have true freedom and learn how to have command of themselves. Obedience is, after all, the first habit we all must learn.
The shepherd who keeps his sheep inside a fenced pasture allows them to freely roam around, eat grass, play, drink from the stream, wander to the fence and observe the people walking by. If they sneak outside the fence, then they are outside the protection of the shepherd. They are now under the laws of chaos. The wolf, lion, bear can now have their way on that stray sheep. The fence gives freedom and offers peace within the boundaries the good shepherd has set up taking into consideration the dangers at hand. In this way, parents set up boundaries for children that allow them to live freely both morally and physically within this proverbial fence.
Helping Children Obey
Children obey best when their minds are engaged, they are learning new skills, they have loving relationships, they are able to express their creative power and when they are nurtured by beauty in nature, art and music. Playing freely allows children time to test themselves against nature and direct their curiosity. Each person is responsible for managing himself and learning how to control himself and play is a glorious way to learn this. A child depends upon parents' loving instruction and guidance to understand where the physical and moral boundaries are. Parents do this when we rise, when we sit in our houses, when we walk around, when we lie down - we do it all the time. Our faith comes out in our parenting. We cannot separate the two.
Mason reminds us that “Education is part and parcel of religion, and every enthusiastic teacher knows that he is obeying the precept, “feed my lambs“ feed with all those things which are good and wholesome for the spirit of a man; and, before all, and including all, with the knowledge of God.”
The principle of authority and docility reminds us that parents must be in charge and children must learn obedience for our family to maintain its proper orbit. Parents receive authority to raise children and teach them about God’s love from God Himself. And so, as we seek to teach obedience and show our children the path of righteousness we do so with humility and compassion. Our work is centered around serving God and loving one another by understanding our duty as parents. It’s not easy work because we live with a bunch of sinners, but this principle is foundational, natural and necessary to human flourishing.
I’ll leave you with some encouragement from Galatians chapter 6:
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Reflection Questions:
What stood out to you about this principle?
In what ways have you been faithful to use your authority as a parent?
Are there areas you’ve abdicated your authority and need to reclaim it?
How does your child show that he/she is teachable?
What is one area that you can help him/her improve?
Spend time praying and asking God to help show you the best place to start and how to grow in this principle.
If you want to be effective with your Nature Study work, check out my Nature Study Hacking Guides at www.naturestudyhacking.com. Learn how to get outside and use those lovely nature journals.
20 Principles of a Liberating Education:
#2 The Good and Evil Nature of Children
This was very helpful and instructive. Thinking of obedience as relational is a good mental shift for me.
Have you come across any good literature or do you have any thoughts on the way authority plays out in the Godhead?