As the saying goes, 'Sow a thought, reap an act; sow an act, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.' This bit of wisdom reminds us that the habits we instill today will shape not only our children’s character but their future. Yet, for those of us operating in the trenches of homeschooling and motherhood, we can often feel weighed down by the small and seemingly mundane aspects of our work.
The screaming toddler, the messy floors, the unkempt hair, the endless pile of dishes (how do they accumulate so quickly?!) can weigh us down. The relentless nature of our work often feels overwhelming, but it is in these small, repetitive moments that the seeds of character are sown.
I can often feel overwhelmed by the slide toward disorder. But, let’s lift our gaze for a moment away from the disobedient child and the messes and look to the goal: we are helping our children to develop a strong character which will equip them with the discipline, virtue, and moral strength they will need to govern themselves well and choose to do what is right.
Education as a discipline is about more than managing behavior in the moment; it is about shaping our children’s hearts and minds for the long term. By training them in good habits, we are guiding them toward the discipline, virtue, and moral strength they need to make wise and good choices.
As mother-teachers, we have a unique role in laying down the 'lines of habit' that influence our children’s academic and personal lives. When we view small frustrations as opportunities to cultivate good habits rather than merely controlling behavior, we can partner with our children—supporting them without forcing compliance.
Why Habit Training Matters
Habits Form Character:
Aristotle points out that "we become just by doing just acts, self-controlled by doing self-controlled acts, brave by doing brave acts." So, it is through the practice of doing what is right that we become men and women of virtue. But we must first be shown the right thing to do because, as scripture reminds us “every intent of the thoughts of (man’s) heart (is) only evil continually.” (Genesis 6:5) As parents, we recognize that while our children are image-bearers of God, they need our guidance to live in a way that honors Him. It’s our responsibility to show them what is right and to train them to act on that knowledge consistently.
For example, when my child struggles with sharing toys, I try to guide her through the act of giving. We practice small moments of generosity, like choosing a toy or a game to share with a friend and allowing the friend to pick first. Over time, these small acts become second nature, and I see her beginning to share without prompting.
Habits are an essential tool in this process. They bridge the gap between knowing what is right and doing it repeatedly. However, for us to teach the right habits, we must first understand what is right ourselves. This is where our sanctification comes into play. We must be feeding on God’s word, be connected with Christian community, be in prayer, bring our children to worship regularly at a local church, and participate in the sacraments - these are the habits of the Christian life that will equip us as we parent our children.
Habits Reflect Nature in Action:
In the interplay of human effort and divine grace, the mother-teacher plays a critical role in understanding her duty toward her children. By training a child in the ways of the Lord, parents can help them avoid unnecessary pain and difficulty. Habit serves as a lever, lifting a child out of disobedience or laziness and into patterns of obedience and diligence.
Yet here lies the challenge: the habits we cultivate in our homes often reflect not just what we teach, but who we are, what we love and to what end we are guiding our children. For instance, we must believe that an ordered room is valuable to the child as a person and allows him to live a more peaceful life. A clean room isn’t just a box to check but a way to live well. Yes, having an ordered room allows you to find what you need, but it also is a more peaceful space to read, draw, and play in.
For example, the other day my six-year-old asked to help me peel the sweet potatoes for supper. Reluctantly, I handed her the peeler and the pile of potatoes. She dutifully peeled every little piece of skin off the potatoes. Though she diligently removed every bit of skin, she missed the bowl we’d set out for the scraps, leaving a mess on the counters and floor. As I was busy cutting the sweet potatoes into fries, I didn’t notice that she’d finished her part of the work. She began cleaning up her mess on the floor and the counter before I could say anything. This was a huge breakthrough for us! She cleaned up her mess without a fuss!
Compare this to last summer, when I had to ask her to leave the kitchen because she made a mess and then hid it. By showing her how to clean up after she makes a mess, we’ve reached a point where she generally cleans up after herself. It’s a slow process, but it reminds me that the small wins add up.
Our goal is that small habits, like cleaning up when you make a mess, become second nature to our children over time. Be encouraged! Habits take time to form. But progress, however small, is worth celebrating.
Which Habits to Start With
Foundational Habits
Teaching good habits to our children can feel overwhelming because we see how many ways we need to grow as a family. Thankfully, Mason gives us a starting point that gives a solid foundation for establishing faithful disciplines. The foundational habits are: obedience, attention, and truthfulness.
Obedience is the first habit because it is through obedience that every other form of instruction flows. A child who is used to getting his own way can be supported by a parent to obey through direct instruction, reading a story or a poem, playing games like Simon Says and taking time to practice the art of obeying through role playing. Parents must believe that obedience is important, but this habit has more to do with the parent’s habits than those of the child.
My children had a habit of resisting good and beautiful activities such as singing a folk song or having a painting lesson. Once I realized we had an obedience issue, I was able to address it. I explained that as their teacher, I’m the captain of the ship. I can’t get down off the bridge and attend to every person’s work. It is up to them to follow my lead and be willing to try new things and do their work well. The friction points have subsided and now I have a tool to remind them that there can only be one captain, and I’m taking them to a New Land. Trust me.
The next discipline to teach is the habit of attention. Learning to notice the ant at his work, listening to directions from mother, or listening to a story, are all means to help a child cultivate the power of attention. Our adversary here is the ever-present screen because it makes the child’s attention fragmented and fleeting. We can push against this slide toward inattention through being intentional to give them opportunities to cultivate this power and limiting screen time.
We have a weekly nature challenge where I send my kids out on a mission to hunt for something nature related. They look forward to sharing their nature treasures—a butterfly, a strange leaf, or an anthill—and it’s teaching them to be more observant.
Truthfulness is the final foundational habit because it helps children to understand the power of their words and the importance of being accurate with what they say. Words have power. We can build one another up or tear one another down all with our words. Teaching our children to tell the truth and to defend the truth helps them begin to learn to control what they say so that it can be a blessing.
Truth telling is one of those habits that benefits from intentional practice. I combine the habit of attention with the habit of telling the truth by asking my kids to describe a leaf, bug, or wild fruit they find. They had trouble at first, but over time, they got the hang of it and the practice is flowing into other aspects of our family life.
I will often teach my children by reading a book aloud and asking them to narrate either orally or written. I noticed that I would get frustrated at slipshod work in halfhearted effort. I felt helpless not knowing how to raise the standards for work without creating an unpleasant atmosphere – through scolding or whatever. What I needed to see is that I am the coach, and I set the standard. To begin with, I need to have a standard – then I need to communicate the standard to my children – a step that I can easily leave out. Finally, I need to hold my children accountable for the standard. Having the posture of a coach, or a friendly guide through the work of the day sets the tone for teaching good habits.
Charlotte Mason’s Approach:
Mason gives us an inspiring idea for the work of habit training. She says, “Give the children one thought at a time, and every time some lovely example that will fire their hearts with the desire to do likewise. Always tell them of beautiful “golden deeds” small and great that usher them as trumpet calls to the battle of life.“ (Vol 6, p. 339 and 340)
Our children don’t only need to know what chores they must do or the schoolwork assignments they must complete, they need living ideas in the form of stories to help inspire them in a life-giving. Inspiring ideas from stories help strengthen children for the challenging tasks of the day. Scrubbing the pot isn’t as bad when considering a ship’s boy scrubbing the deck with all his might and to the Glory of God. Stories give us inspiration and strength to know that we aren’t alone in the struggles of the day.
Practical Steps for Habit Training
Step 1: Lay Down the Lines of Habit:
“Parents and teachers must lay down the lines of habit." (Vol 1, p 107) Parents act as partners and guides, modeling habits and establishing consistent routines. We can look at the rhythms of our day as the starting place for developing good habits. Start with a visual schedule for young children so they can track the order of their routine. Habit trackers can also help get everyone on the same page.
Step 2: Inspire Action Through Love and Grace:
This is hard work, but the work is good. Scripture reminds us not to grow weary of doing good. There is a balance we find between correction and encouragement. When we understand how much support our small children need from us to obey, we can come alongside them and show them how to obey so that it becomes a habit. It’s helpful to understand what standards are appropriate for each child’s developmental stage. This helps to create a positive atmosphere without compromising on expectations. A three-year-old will need help obeying to put shoes on to go on an outing, a ten-year-old won’t need the same level of guidance and support.
Step 3: The Role of the Will:
It’s our role as parents to help gently strengthen the will through small, achievable steps. The child with a weak will can’t do what he ought and needs help from parents. With a toddler, this may look like helping the child get dressed or wash hands or giving him a book to look at so he can sit still during family devotions. With an older child, this may look like creating a checklist for his schoolwork, helping him organize his dresser and then showing him how to keep his room in order. Our children need our support, but not in a way that we do everything for them. We want them to do what is right, but it often takes our creativity to find ways to support them and not do things for them. It’s a balance.
Encouragement for Mother-Teachers
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when aiming for Mason’s high ideals. This is a life-long pursuit and a way of life, not a box to be checked off the daily list. Let us "not grow weary of doing good." Habit training is about progress, not perfection.
Be encouraged as you take up the mantle of discipline. Remember: only take on one new habit at a time. You will reap the fruits of your labors if you do not give up hope. Habit training isn’t about control—it’s about equipping children with the tools to live well, love truth, and pursue virtue.
Reflection Questions:
What is my current daily routine?
What habits as a mother-teacher help my day with my children go smoothly?
What habits as a mother-teacher hinder my day with my children?
What is one small thing I can change today that will make tomorrow run on better lines of habit?
How does our routine help our family cultivate good habits?
How does our routine hinder our family by cultivating a bad habit?
What is one habit I can focus on this month to help bring more peace to our home?
If you want to be effective with your Nature Study work, check out my Nature Study Hacking Guides at www.naturestudyhacking.com. Learn how to get outside and use those lovely nature journals.
20 Principles of a Liberating Education:
#2 The Good and Evil Nature of Children
#3 Parents are in Charge and Children Must Obey
#4 Limits to Our Authority as Parents and Educators
#5 Education is an Atmosphere, a Discipline, a Life
#7 Education is a Discipline (You are here)
Sources and further reader:
Home Education by Charlotte Mason
Towards a Philosophy of Education by Charlotte Mason
In Vital Harmony by Karen Glass
The Four Cardinal Virtues by Joseph Pieper
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